Withstanding Trials in Marriage
Facing hardship ultimately places the best of marriages on trial. Overcoming adversity pulls you into the lived experience of what you promised when you tied the knot; “for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part.” When the going gets tough, your marriage feels fragile. You ask yourselves “Are we going to make it?”
How Marital Trials Get Started
Trials that occur in our lives come from external or internal sources. External sources are unfortunate events occurring outside of our control such as illness, job loss, death of a significant family member, or a child diagnosed with special needs. Other tragic marital events are initiated by the decisions we make and actions we take for which we are in complete control over. Examples of marital trials involving internal factors are issues of communication, disagreements about finances, infidelity, lack of emotional connectedness, or lack of intimacy.
Either way, marital trials shake up any couple. How each partner manages their own emotional distress sets the tone for what’s ahead. Additionally, one martial trial alone can lead to further ones causing conflict to mount. At this point, it becomes complicated because your relationship stands many at once. Nothing feels stable. Your relationship is in crisis.
To illustrate a combination of trials occurring simultaneously, let’s say for example, one spouse faces job loss while the other spouse continues to work successfully. The joblessness continues month after month. Consequently, the unemployed spouse feels inferior. To mitigate the feelings of failure, the unemployed spouse has an affair. Meanwhile, joblessness continues, money grows tighter, and the couple constantly argues. Sadly, the affair lingers on as secrets remain hidden. The distress is high, as the emotional distancing worsens. The marital trial is well underway! Can you get through it?
The Quality of the Relationship Prior to the Trial
The quality of the relationship, prior to facing hard times, reflects just how well various challenges can be resolved. What was the level of trust and respect before facing such difficulty? Have you had a mutual understanding of what marital commitment entails? What has the quality of communication been like? And do each of you feel emotionally supported? The firmer the base on these qualities, the more likely your marriage can withstand a stormy trial.
Generally, a good quality marriage has a higher chance of making it when there is a struggle that is outside of their relationship. When internal factors create hardship, deeper underlying issues within one or both partners are involved. This takes time to understand and resolve.
Trials Concerning Internal Factors Might Make It More Challenging – but not Impossible!
When we do not have a strong solid foundation within ourselves, facing hardships in a marriage is especially challenging. Dealing with a martial trial can feel like you are facing your own internal hardship along with the presenting issue between the two of you. In essence, you are on trial with yourself and with your partner.
Furthermore, when we have not had the best models in our formative years revealing what a good marriage represents, then loving, trusting and respecting one another becomes challenging in hard times. This happens because you ultimately did not learn adequate coping skills on how to handle your pain, fears, disappointments and hardships in life. So, you begin to argue, fight and hurt one another. Sadly, your marriage ends up taking the brunt even when you never intended that to happen.
Has Your Marriage Reached Its Breaking Point?
If your marriage is a trial or series of them simultaneously, chances are your relationship may feel like it is sitting on pins and needles. Will it fall apart? Is it salvageable? Does your marriage have what it takes? With hard work and dedication, marital trials can get worked through and eventually come out on the other side. This requires patience and a decision on both parts that you want to work it out together.
Marriage counseling especially helps a couple work through and eventually get past such difficult times. If you are facing a trial in your marriage, I invite you to contact me and schedule a free 15 minute free consultation.