Are You Grieving The Loss Of Someone Who Was Very Special To You?

Do you feel completely trapped by your grief and, as a result, not quite feeling like yourself? Are you struggling to find motivation? Are you having periods of anxiety that shift to emotional numbness, despair, sadness, or some other combination of emotional states that you are not used to encountering?

These negative emotions might be leaving you emotionally drained, depressed, or exhausted. Perhaps retreating to your bed sounds more appealing than socializing and listening to people telling you to “move on.”

If this sounds like your daily experience, take comfort in knowing you are not alone. Grief is an inherent part of life without a clearly defined timeframe. Grief takes as long as it takes. Queen Elizabeth II once stated, “Grief is the price we pay for love.” Therefore, the more deeply you love, the more complex the grief. So naturally, the pain that comes with losing someone presents challenges. How do you go about living?

Grieving takes time. How do we grieve? Earl Grollman stated, “Grieving is the only cure for grief.” What does that mean? One must muster the tolerance to be open and present to all the feelings that come with grief. This is the path towards healing. There is no other way around it. While this may sound daunting, know that seeking help from a grief therapist may be helpful as you navigate this very personal process. Life may take on a new kind of beginning with time and patience.

Grief Makes Everything Feel Off On The Inside

Grief can make you feel thrown off track. On the surface, you may appear to be unaffected. But internally, you experience periods of intense sadness, deep despair or emotional pain. Quietly inside, you may be suddenly gripped by a feeling of shock or disbelief when you ask yourself, “Is my loved one really gone forever?”

As a result, if you have to return to work while in the midst of working, you may struggle to engage with your co-workers and fulfill your responsibilities. Or, if you’re a retiree grieving the loss of a loved one, you may grapple with a sense of aimlessness, yearning for relief from your pain and grief.

While grief and loss are a natural part of life, you may be thinking to yourself that going through the different emotional experiences each day is no way to live. Seeking the help of a trained grief counselor and receiving counseling may help you to work through the adjustment in your life. This may come with eventual acceptance of the permanent change in your life with your loved one being gone forever. It may also help you to navigate the next steps in life that may bring a new sense of purpose and direction. Life takes on a richness and meaning that carries more depth as a result of having worked through your loss.

Unfortunately, Our Society Sometimes Wants Us To Recover From Grief Too Quickly

When someone is grieving, they may feel isolated because their friends, who don’t fully understand what they are going through, may expect them to move on much too quickly. This reaction can be hurtful and cause feelings of anger. As a result, the person may not want to be around those friends.

If you have to return to work while caught up in grieving, you may struggle to engage with your co-workers and fulfill your responsibilities.  People dealing with grief are also very sensitive to the comments other people make. For example, when friends ask, “How are you feeling?” The person grieving might think, “How do you think I’m feeling?” Our culture does not handle sadness well, and it is hard to understand the depth of someone’s grief after a loss. In our society, it is often difficult to be around someone who is sad, and friends may inadvertently disappear without realizing it.

As social creatures, we rely on connections with others. Our world is fundamentally altered when we lose someone we deeply care for who has played a significant role in our lives. We are bound to experience grief because of the love we shared. It can be incredibly challenging if we have yet to confront such a loss.

In our society, there is an expectation to move through the stages of grief, with the implication that there is an endpoint. Yet, the reality may be that grief continues indefinitely. Additionally, there is an unease in social settings when it comes to interacting with those who are in pain.

Life should not be dictated by these social stigmas. Counseling can help you break through  outdated beliefs about grief and find inner peace.

Grief Counseling Can Help You Learn How To Find Peace In The Midst Of Painful Experiences

I begin the grief counseling process by focusing on developing a good therapeutic rapport. As a grief counselor, I believe this takes place by creating a safe space. By approaching the start of the therapeutic relationship in this manner, the sense of safety may elicit a feeling of trust. Putting all of these ingredients together will offer you the feeling of wanting to open up more and share more emotionally vulnerable parts of your story of grief and loss.

At this point in the grief counseling process, you may hopefully begin to move into spaces inside of yourself where the depth of the pain and grief sits inside of you most. Usually this starts by sharing the significance of the person you have lost and the story of this special relationship. As a grief therapist, I will gently remind you throughout your healing process that there is no right way to grieve and that the intensity of your emotions may fluctuate over time.

I will do my best to provide the comfort and restoration you’ve been craving.

Treatment For Grief Counseling 

During the times when you feel, for example, emotional numbness, deep raw emotion, anxiety, or disconnectedness, I will work with you to help you become more grounded and centered within yourself. I may teach you mindfulness techniques for grief to help you become more emotionally aware and present to your feelings.

To facilitate this process, I will ask you to quiet yourself inside and take notice of what physical sensations you feel. I will ask you to share where you notice them, describe them in more detail, and to ask them why they are present in your body and what they want you to know about them. What kind of attention do the sensations need to help reduce the intensity and eventually go away? 

If emotional numbness and disconnect continue, I may invite you to bring in any dreams you have at night. I will invite you to describe the images that stand out the most. From there, I will invite you to engage with the images as a way to learn more about the significance they hold to you. Dreams can be a helpful way to help the grief process when feeling stuck because they are the language of the unconscious. If the grief is too painful, then dreams at night may be the best way to help you get into your grief process.

Feeling isolated, deeply saddened, or lost in life can be overwhelming. Speaking with a professional grief therapist can provide a safe space to express your feelings and thoughts without judgment. While friends and family may lack the interest or sensitivity to fully understand your grief, a professional can offer support and help you feel less alone.

You May Be Interested In Grief Counseling But Have Some Questions…

I’ve tried grief therapy before, and nothing changed. How will this be any different?

Grief therapy can be beneficial if you are open to it. If you’re unsure, trying it out is the best way to determine if it can help. When dealing with grief, therapy involves finding the strength and readiness to accept the loss and make a permanent change in life. Acceptance takes time and usually happens when you are open to healing. Therapy can assist you in addressing fears about things not changing.  Additionally, reflective questioning can help you identify any resistance you may have in the grieving process. 

How much experience do you have as a grief counselor?

Grieving is a deeply personal experience and is unique to the relationship you had with the person you lost. I know that I can never fully comprehend the depth of your emotions. Each individual is unique, carrying their own life story connected to the loss they are experiencing. During my 30 years as a grief therapist, I have listened to countless stories of loss. My goal is to connect with you and provide the support and understanding you need during this difficult time. It is my sincerest hope that you feel heard and supported as we navigate this journey together.

Will talking about my grief in therapy make it worse?

Taking the step to seek therapy requires courage and strength as you open up to someone about your emotional experiences. It may involve discussing painful memories and experiences, but I will be there to provide emotional support along the way. Remember that therapy consists of becoming more in tune with your emotions, which is essential. Naturally, this may feel unfamiliar when experiencing heightened emotions, but being present with your grief is critical to working through it.

Are You Ready To Fully Process Your Grief?

If you are ready to manage your grief and work through emotions that you’ve experienced in the wake of your loss, I encourage you to pursue therapy with me. Call Liesl Scalzitti at (520) 365- 0058 for a free 20-minute consultation or reach out and let’s connect.

Contact Me

Relevant Blog Posts