Boundaries are essential in any type of healthy relationship. They’re what help express to others what you want, need, and expect from one another.
People pleasers may find themselves having a difficult time setting boundaries. They’re so consumed by ensuring they’re caring for their loved ones that they forget about their own wants and needs. To them, boundaries may seem harsh and more of a hindrance than a help to their relationships.
In reality, boundaries are necessary. Being a people pleaser isn’t something that can last. You can’t fill someone else’s cup when yours is completely empty. It’s time to put yourself first again. This is how to set boundaries as a people pleaser.
Pay Attention to Your Feelings
As a people pleaser, you're constantly putting your own needs aside to meet the needs of others. It's time to pay attention to your own feelings. Taking the time to pay attention to how you're feeling and thinking about certain things. This can help you make sure you're actually doing the things you want to, not what you feel you should do.
Knowing how you truly feel can help you feel better and avoid feeling like you're being disrespected, resentful, or uncomfortable.
Determine Your Limits
Make a list of the things that are important to you. Writing everything out can help you realize the areas in your life and relationship that are going well. This will also point out the areas that you'd like to change.
Taking the time to figure out what your limits or non-negotiables are will help you set and make sure that you're enforcing your new boundaries.
As a people pleaser, your family and friends may have a difficult time with your boundaries. Remember that the only way that people will respect your boundaries is if you keep enforcing them. If they truly care about your well-being, just like you care about theirs, they will respect your wants and needs.
Start Small
After you determine your limits and what boundaries you're hoping to set, it doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing mentality. Starting small can help you make the necessary changes—the things that matter most to you. Then you will be able to implement other boundaries.
Start by making small adjustments in your life, like learning to say no or sharing your opinion about something if it differs from someone else's.
Making these small steps and changes can help you gain the confidence within yourself to share more boundaries with your loved ones.
Practice Self-Care
Self-care is extremely important for one's overall mental health and wellness. People pleasers may feel like self-care is selfish, but this is one of the furthest things from the truth.
Self-care is vital. Taking care of yourself is what helps your body and brain perform to the best of their ability so that you can function each and every day. You can't keep giving to someone else when you don't have enough energy or time to keep giving.
Taking time for yourself can help you realize what you actually want and need. Over time, you'll realize what matters most to you, which can help you set and enforce those necessary boundaries.
Seek Additional Support
Setting boundaries can be a challenge for many, but is especially challenging for people pleasers. Enforcing those set boundaries can be even harder.
It's important to know that being a people pleaser isn't a bad thing, but it's also important to know that you are not solely responsible for making sure that everyone is happy and that their needs are being met. Don't forget to take care of yourself—just as you would for a loved one.
If your people-pleasing tendencies are getting in the way of your own health and happiness, a trained mental health professional will help you put yourself first again. Reach out today to set up an initial consultation for anxiety counseling.