Emotional neglect is a form of psychological harm that often goes unnoticed. It can have a profound impact on our general well-being and quality of life. Having an understanding is the best tool we have to tackle this type of neglect head-on. Here's a closer look at some key factors.
Defining Emotional Neglect
Emotional neglect occurs when our emotional needs are routinely ignored or we are made to feel invalidated. This may result in a lack of attention and support, often leading to feelings of being unseen or unheard.
These feelings of being unimportant can occur in childhood or adulthood, leaving deep wounds that affect our self-esteem and attitude towards relationships. Unlike physical abuse or neglect, it’s much harder to see or realize.
Recognizing the Signs
Emotional neglect is often subtle. The experience tends to be internalized by the person suffering from neglect.
Recognizing the signs is difficult, but here are some signs worth noting:
Low self-esteem
Self-criticism
Feelings of emptiness
Believing you or your needs don’t matter
Feeling disconnected
Feeling different
Demonstrating perfectionism or needing to please people
Struggling with self-discipline
Difficulty forming or maintaining close relationships
Causes of Emotional Neglect
The causes of emotional neglect can vary from situation to situation. Family dysfunction is a main cause. When one or members have toxic behaviors, it can lead to emotional neglect. When parents or caregivers become overwhelmed, they may become neglectful. Similarly, if they are emotionally unavailable, that can get passed on in their behaviors.
Within some families and cultures, it is normal to limit emotional expression. When this behavior is frowned upon, especially among children, it can be problematic for fulfilling basic emotional needs. It teaches them to shut down or search for validation in others.
Other mental health issues experienced by caregivers or partners may also lead to emotional neglect.
How Emotional Neglect Can Impact Us
When we’ve been victims of emotional neglect, it can lead to a variety of struggles in adulthood. We may experience difficulty trusting others, resulting in unhealthy relationship dynamics. There may be a fear or inability to become vulnerable. You may experience challenges forming connections.
Being emotional can also be considered a sign of weakness, resulting in a reluctance to ask for help. When assistance is offered, you may feel unworthy of this guidance or attention.
Finding Healing
The first step in finding healing is to reconnect with your emotions and gain a deeper understanding of your situation.
It’s important to recognize what you’ve gone through and put a name to the emotional neglect you have or are experiencing. You’ve been through a trauma and need to treat it accordingly. This can have roots in areas of your life, and those are key to healing.
Learn to identify your emotions. Put a name to them. Allow yourself to feel your feelings and process them. Fight back against the stigma or programming that emotions are negative.
Treat yourself with grace and kindness, the type you didn’t receive as a child. Honor your needs and establish boundaries that help you thrive.
Surround yourself with people who are supportive of your experience and personal growth. Don’t be afraid to lean on them in your time of need. Having friends and family who validate your feelings will help nurture your emotional growth.
Seek Professional Support
If you’ve been emotionally neglected, working with a professional could offer helpful guidance. During therapy, we can explore where the emotional neglect began and unpack any associated symptoms. Together, we can help you connect to your emotions and establish strategies to build successful relationships.
To get started, contact me and schedule your first appointment for couples therapy.