The path of grief is unfortunately one we all must take at some point in our lives. It’s a deeply personal and often unpredictable journey. One day you might be managing just fine, while the next you are thrown back into anger and depression. Here’s why grief comes in waves and how to cope.
Understanding Grief
There are several notable stages of grief:
denial
anger
bargaining
depression
acceptance
However, these stages are not linear. A person might experience all or some of them; they also might re-experience one or a few stages. This is what we mean by grief coming in waves. The feelings can change and deepen in intensity, even after periods of feeling better. This pattern can be affected by several factors:
Reminders of the Loss
Grief can be reactivated by triggers that remind you of the person or thing you lost. For example, a widow might being to feel deeply depressed and anxious as the first anniversary of her husband’s death approaches. But these reminders can also be small—walking by someone wearing the same perfume as a lost loved one can bring up old feelings and memories. Each trigger can bring a fresh wave of grief, sometimes as intense as the initial feeling of loss.
How Emotions are Processed
Grieving involves both conscious and unconscious processing. Consciously, you might be aware of your sadness and actively working through your emotions. Unconsciously, your brain is continuously sorting through memories and feelings. For example, you might wake up from dreams of your loved one with a renewed sense of grief even if you hadn’t been thinking of them recently.
Physical and Emotional Stress
The process of grieving takes a toll on both your physical and emotional health. Stress can deplete your energy and emotional reserves, making you more susceptible to sudden surges of grief. Anxiety, stress, depression, and inadequate sleep can all contribute to a more volatile emotional state.
Tips for managing your grief
While you cannot control when or how grief will strike, there are strategies to help you navigate its waves and build up your emotional resilience.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
Start by simply naming your emotions. However you’re feeling is completely normal, so there is no need to judge yourself. Allow yourself to feel sadness, anger, or any other emotion that arises. Suppressing your feelings can prolong the grieving process and make grief more intense in the long run.
Lean on Your Support System
Talk with those close to about what you’ve been going through. Enlist help in whatever way you need—talking through your feelings, getting help with chores at home, or taking care of triggering responsibilities.
Turn to Healthy Coping Mechanisms
Engage in activities that bring you joy. For example, try keeping a journal, meditating, exercising, or doing something you love every day. Avoid turning to behaviors that will make your situation worse, such as substance abuse, withdrawal from others, self-harm, or recklessly spending.
Set Boundaries for Your Mental Health
Give yourself permission to say no to activities or obligations that feel overwhelming. Allow yourself to rest and avoid potentially triggering situations.
Honor Your Loved One
Finding ways to honor and remember the person you lost can be a hugely meaningful part of the healing process. This might involve creating a special memorial, doing things they once loved to do, or simply setting aside time to reflect on your happy memories.
Moving on after loss
If you are going through the grieving process, consider reaching out to a therapist. No one should sit with their grief alone. A grief counselor can guide you through this difficult time by giving you the tools to process your emotions and move forward.
To find out more about how therapy can help you through grief’s emotional storm, please reach out to us.