Anger is a natural human emotion. If you say you never get angry at/with your partner, you’d probably be lying. Anger can often be linked to conflict and disagreement.
It’s important to note that conflict is going to be present in all relationships and can be a means for growth when handled in a healthy way. How you manage your emotions, especially ones like anger, can be key to strengthening the bond of your relationship.
Let’s explore some effective communication strategies you can use to talk to your partner when you’re feeling angry.
Take a Moment
Now we’ve all heard the sentiment that you shouldn’t have important conversations when angry. There’s a lot of truth to this. We often say things we don’t fully mean or communicate them with a harsh tone purposely to spite the other when angry. The brain also doesn’t process as efficiently when emotions are heightened, so your conversation may not have a productive outcome.
Before you start to have a difficult or sensitive conversation, take a breather. Give yourself a moment to collect your thoughts and regain a sense of calm. This may be a few brief moments or a bit of space. Everyone responds to conflict differently. Once both of you are more composed, then you should revisit the conversation.
Use “I” Statements
Anger can translate to insults and digs. The tone of the conversation can become more accusatory than productive.
What you want to do is reframe your statements from “you do this” to “I feel this.” It disarms the situation, paving the way for effective problem solving and more active listening.
By telling your partner how you feel, you’re expressing your point of view rather than telling them what they’re doing or how they’re acting. You’ll find better outcomes using “I” statements and having a healthy discussion.
Actively Listen
When we’re heated and emotions are running high, it’s easy to get so wrapped up in our own version that we miss what the other person is saying. Just as you want to be heard, so does your partner.
It’s also a common communication habit, angry or not, that when listening to someone else talk, we start forming our response before they’re even done talking. Be sure to pause your thoughts, let your partner say their viewpoint, take a moment to reflect, and then give your response. Conflict can be greatly reduced when active listening is incorporated. You each hear what the other is saying, the end result is less misunderstanding.
Be Mindful of Non-Verbal Cues
The bulk majority of communication comes from our non-verbal cues. These could be gestures, expressions, tone of voice, and body language. Sometimes these elements give off more meaning than our actual words do.
When you’re communicating with your partner, and you’re feeling any underlying anger, check what your body is doing. Are you crossing your arms? Do you frequently roll your eyes? What does your tone of voice sound like? How are you standing in relation to them?
Negative body language can escalate an already heated situation unnecessarily.
Focus on the Present
It’s a natural tendency to hold grudges or at least carry past details with us. You may have had an arguement with your partner a year ago, but the memory sticks in your brain. This memory can be easily triggered in similar situations.
When you’re having conflict with your partner, avoid bringing up any past arguments or issues. Keep communication focused on the current issue and only that.
Seek Professional Assistance
Working with a therapist, whether on an individual basis or as a couple, can help identify any unhealthy communication habits and explore more healthy options. We can also work on coping strategies to keep emotions in check and reduce stress reactions. If you’re interested in improving your communication skills, reach out to learn more about relationship counseling.